The losses we suffer on a ketogenic diet - a satirical view

Those resistant to trying something new are often more comfortable with the problems they have rather than solutions they know little about. They have attempted to tell us what we are giving up when we go Ketogenic.

Here is my list of what has been lost in my Keto journey so far:
  • 70 Lbs - True loss here. I went from 250 lbs to 180 lbs. This was a very expensive loss as I had to purchase new clothing. Several times over the last 2 years. Simply wearing "sweats" everywhere is no longer an option.
  • GERD - Basically this is Acid Reflux. If you have not enjoyed bending over to pick something up, and had stomach acid pour into your throat and mouth, scorching your vocal cords along the way, then all you've had is indigestion. Take a Tums. By eating a Keto food plan, I lost GERD somewhere in the 2nd month.
  • Loss of certain friends - Now that my voice has returned, I often sing out loud. Just because I can and it has been so long since I was able to. Some of my friends visit less frequently due to my melodic outbursts. Turns out my voice is not pitch-perfect. Huh. Who knew?
  • Diabetes - Multiple tests by an incredulous Doctor repeatedly verified I no longer have diabetes. He came up with tests I'd never even heard of before. I think he did more diabetes research to prove it could not be cured than he did to cure it. He agreed Metformin is no longer necessary for me.
  • Eyebrows no longer self-maintaining. The darn things grew back. Without the diabetes drugs, my eyebrows not only grew back, but before trimming they are a wild and crazy celebration of good health.
  • Fatty Liver Disease - Yup, it's gone also. Although my Doctor seemed to enjoy poking around in my once ponderous belly while loudly proclaiming I had a Fatty Liver, all the blood tests now confirm everything has gone back to normal. Way to go, liver.
  • Daily Diarrhea - This had become normal. While the multiple trips to the restroom are not missed, the huge volumes of gas throughout the day often provided a certain amount of entertainment, depending on who was present. Bye-bye diarrhea, you are not missed.
  • Migraine Headaches - No migraines since starting Keto. Typically, I would have 3 or 4 migraines a year, but can't say they will be missed. If you've ever had a headache so bad that you vomited because of it, that was likely a migraine. No guarantees, but this alone is worth the Keto journey. Not missing it.
  • A1C - Bi-Annual testing, of course, but no Doctor to review this stat for the last 2 years has yelled at me to do better. No longer out of control, not much of a concern, no scolding or even stern warnings.
  • Snoring - Sleeping without waking up gasping for air seems different. Now when I wake up, it is the next morning. Before Keto I had nightly dreams of drowning and suffocating. Now I do not wake up because acid reflux is quite literally drowning me, or excess fat blocking the airway. Again, this is not missed.
  • Excuses - No longer feel too fat to go to the beach without a shirt. Now I use sunblock instead.
  • Cow-like behavior (the moos) - Keto meal planning took away my excuses to eat and snack all day. Grazing, it turns out, is for cows. Feasting is for Kings and Queens! I have 2 well-planned meals a day.
  • Constant Hunger and various cravings - Keto taught me which foods satisfy hunger. Ever wonder why you can eat so much spaghetti and still think you could eat more? And pizza too? The difference between having hunger satisfied and having your stomach bloated is simple: Food quality vs food quantity. Ignorance lost, satiety found.
  • Blood Glucose Monitor - Been so long since I used it, not sure where it is. Battery probably dead anyway. I was diabetic for 15 years and now I had to give up sticking myself, recording results, etc.
  • Calorie Counting Apps - Not needed while eating Keto style. Notice there are no references to the word "diet". Keto is NOT a starvation plan, or a go-hungry plan. Keto is a "Eat when you are hungry, don't eat when you're not" plan. No self-discipline required. I enjoy what I eat!
  • No excuses to avoid the gym. Now a good workout is a reward rather than a punishment. An hour at the gym is better than a day on the couch.

Yes, I've given up a lot to eat Keto style. But who's complaining?

p.s. nugget of wisdom buried here: The difference between having hunger satisfied and having your stomach bloated is simple: Food quality vs food quantity. Ignorance lost, satiety found.


Written by Falcone Uppleton 
Published: August 21st  2021