My $1,000,000 guide to getting fat

Who wants to be lean anyway?

The more of you there is, the better, surely?

Follow these 5 steps - results guaranteed!


(And a bonus tip at the end)

  1. Eat lots of sugar of all types, particularly fructose!

    Fructose tells your body to get ready for winter = store fat.

    Drink juice and soda, put sugar or syrup in your latte (sucrose = 1 molecule fructose, 1 molecule glucose)

    High levels of glucose in your blood also start the process of fructose creation in your liver (= winter effect)

    Eat bread, pasta, white rice, pizza to get your blood sugars up!

    Don't stop until you hear your blood vessels sizzle!

  2. Stick to processed food and products made with flour.

    The longer the ingredients list, the better!

    Beware anything that's not wrapped or packaged.

    Or doesn't have a Heart Healthy sign or a picture of nature or happy families.

    The more fat, salt and sugar in the ingredients, the better.

    Don't hold back on emulsifiers and strange scientific ingredients either!

  3. Eat 3, 4, 5 or even 6 time/day.

    This reliable advice is endorsed by doctors the world over.

    A million doctors can't be wrong!

    If you're sticking to tips 1 and 2 then this 3rd step will guarantee that your blood sugar spikes...

    ...and then sinks below baseline = hungry more often = eat more!


  4. Avoid saturated fat and replace butter and olive oil with vegetable (seed) oils and margarine.

    Even better, a shot of rapeseed, canola or soya oil every day will get you to your goal before you can say "obese"!

    No need to check food product labels to make sure you get your dose of vegetable oil - it's in everything already.

  5. Reduce your movement to the minimum.

    After all, after getting out of bed, jumping in the car, taking the lift to the office and switching on your computer you must be exhausted, right?

    Put your feet up and have a doughnut.

    Dog needs a walk? Let him out the door and press play on the next Netflix vegan greenwashing documentary.

Bonus tip: Sleep is for weaklings.

The most successful people in the world sleep only 4 hours a day.

Who wants to be a failure?

Work or watch TV until 1am and set the alarm for 5am - not only will you accelerate your fat gains, you'll get so much more done!

❗ Apply these 6 tips and see instant results

You'll notice the difference in just a few weeks ❗

Use this guide on your kids and enjoy a life-time of success!

Disclaimer: side effects of this diet will be a whole range of chronic diseases so get to know your doctor well.

  • Heart disease including hypertension and coronary artery disease
  • Cancers of various types
  • Diabetes Type 2
  • Alzheimer's
  • Non-alcoholic fatty liver
  • Kidney failure
  • Depression
  • Massively increased risk of death from all causes


So what do you think of my fool-proof guide?

💰 💰 💰

The horse has bolted, I hear you say?

I'm too late to the party to make my millions with this guide?

Food manufacturers have been doing this for decades?

Oh damn!


Hi, my name is Roderick Lambert and I was living proof that this guide works.

I had been following most of the steps for decades!

[Me aged 43]

If it worked for me, then it will work for you - guaranteed!

39% of the world's population can't be wrong!

Then, aged 44, I made the fatal mistake of doing EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE of what I recommend in this guide.

I lost 20 kg (45 lb),

Cleared up my health issues

and started to feel great.


[Me aged 46]

These days I work as a Midlifer's guide to permanent weight loss and metabolic health

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Written by Roderick Lambert
Published June 18th, 2022